


everlasting. amen.

by zhovel



Series: forgive us our sins [1]
Category: LOONA (Korea Band)
Genre: F/F, bible camp au, look i'm allowed to write this i went through 15 years of all girls catholic school
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-17
Updated: 2020-11-17
Packaged: 2021-03-10 04:22:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,647
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27597472
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/zhovel/pseuds/zhovel
Summary: “Sometimes,” Heejin says, “I think that God must have made a mistake.”“It’s not supposed to hurt you,” Hyunjin whispers. Her hand trails down Heejin’s thigh, warm, comforting. “Do you really think that God would want you to be ashamed of yourself, forever?”
Relationships: Jeon Heejin/Kim Hyunjin
Series: forgive us our sins [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2129727
Comments: 21
Kudos: 230





	everlasting. amen.

Heejin doesn’t really think anything of the way Jungeun doesn’t spend any time in her own bed until she catches Chaewon whispering about it to Yerim. 

“—yeah, and that time Jinsol had to stand outside in a nightdress in freezing weather to distract the counsellor. They were just unlucky with the timing, I suppose, but she didn’t want Jungeun to get kicked out like Sooyoung did. She’s on her second strike already.” 

Yerim just looks sad when she replies. “I don’t think Jiwoo knows what she’s doing.” 

Heejin clears her throat, not wanting to hear more of the conversation. 

Yerim looks up, and her face brightens. “Oh hey, Heejinie!”

Heejin nods back at her, not trusting her voice. She’s suddenly all wobbly and weak inside, because she doesn’t— she hasn’t thought about this in years. Not since she’s seen the last of Sooyoung, not since she heard the whispers that still attach themselves to the girl’s name, trailing after her long after she’s been gone from their sight. 

Rumours root themselves into this very building, she supposes. It’s tradition, stories passed down through word of mouth in the middle of the night, but something doesn’t sit right with her when she hears Hyejoo fire off “man shall not lie with mankind” at Yeojin after she asked what happened to Sooyoung. It’s not exactly a secret that half the girls here swing the other way, but Heejin prefers to keep her eyes averted and read her Bible.

That’s what she came here to do, after all.

But sometimes, she can’t shake the feeling of wrongness when she looks in the mirror. To any other person, Heejin would’ve been picture perfect: a good Christian girl who spends half her life doing charity work and the other half studying, dressed in modest clothing and got several of her friends baptised. But some part of Heejin worms its way into her heart, whispers, _is this who you are_? 

::

Kahei manages to sneak alcohol in. They sit in a circle, Heejin fiddling with the cross around her neck and leaning on Hyunjin’s shoulder, not entirely comfortable with the drinking, but she’s curious.

“We’re teenagers, we make mistakes,” Hyejoo tells her, eyes bloodshot. She looks like she’s on her third drink already. “One night wouldn’t hurt you.” She pops open the tab on another can of beer and the words sound sincere, but her movements are familiar and tell Heejin that—maybe even Son Hyejoo wasn’t the perfect angel that Heejin’s family says she is. 

Heejin takes the can from Hyejoo, tipping it back into her throat, then she’s spluttering. “Jes— I mean, crap.” 

Hyejoo grins at her, and before she knows it, they’re playing truth or dare. It starts off stupid, but then it starts getting to dreams and secrets and crushes and something deep inside Heejin’s skin itches, eager to get out. 

The bottle spins to her.

Heejin blinks. By then, half of them are too drunk to even be awake, and it’s easier to be brave when the world feels hazy and unreal, she supposes. 

“Truth?”

Yeojin cackles. “Okay. Have you ever thought about kissing a girl before?”

Heejin rolls her eyes, sliding her hands under her thighs so they don’t shake. She’s been at this camp for years now, all of them have; they’ve grown up with each other. “Yes. Who hasn’t?”

Chaewon leans forward, eyes rapt with attention. “Do we know them?”

Heejin’s eyes dart to Hyunjin. Then she swallows, reaching out for the cup in the middle. “I’m not answering that.”

Next to her, Hyunjin hums, a deep sound that snakes its way around Heejin and settles there next to her, a piece of a missing puzzle. “You know that is an answer in itself, right?” she says, voice low, and Heejin shivers. 

  
  
  


Of course they get caught the next day. 

The counsellor sits them all in a circle, and says, “Now’s your chance to confess.” Yeojin kicks her legs in the air, sullen, but none of them speak. 

“Look,” the counsellor says, and sighs. “Someone’s got to be responsible for this. But I don’t know who, so you guys can just take over chores for other cabins for the rest of camp. I’m being lenient here.”

“Lenient?” Hyejoo squeaks.

The counsellor shrugs at them. “Would you rather that I tell you to copy the whole Bible for me? Unless someone confesses, you’re all getting a strike.”

Hyejoo snaps her mouth shut. 

::

Heejin ends up drawing the short straw, so she clears the makeshift altar with Hyunjin after mass ends, the two of them racing to see who can stack up chairs faster. It’s already dark outside by then. Their friends have gone back to their room hours ago, Jiwoo winking at them as they left. 

Heejin throws a look over her shoulder and shivers. The room is shadowy and old, the wood creaking every now and then, and it’s oddly quiet with just the two of them left. The cranky old man in charge of the building comes by every now and then to check on them, but he doesn’t bother patrolling the corridors anymore. Heejin almost misses his presence. 

“This is eerie,” Heejin says, voice echoing. 

Hyunjin throws a prayer booklet at her. “At least I’m doing this with you,” she says, eyes crinkling into little crescents. 

Heejin can’t look away. Without anyone nearby to keep her in check, suddenly, it’s gotten a lot harder to be sure of herself and what she wants to be doing. Heejin goes to confession every week, and she’s cried over some of the feelings she’s had before; but she doesn’t want to carve her own path out like Sooyoung does, she doesn’t want to take the fall for her actions. 

The more she spends time alone with Hyunjin, though, the harder it becomes to delude herself into believing that she doesn’t want this. 

“At least it’s us,” Heejin echoes. 

She doesn’t know if she’s the person everyone thinks she is.

Hyunjin takes a look at her, and something flickers in her face, determined. “I bet he won’t notice if we went back early.”

She knows Heejin too well. 

Heejin isn’t the best at hiding her emotions, but it’s like Hyunjin can read her mind, because she’s always there for her, albeit in her own Hyunjin way that no one else seems to understand. 

“We shouldn’t,” Heejin replies, but Hyunjin’s eyes glint at her, and she caves. It shouldn’t be this easy for her to give in. Heejin has tried-and-tested ways of pushing her thoughts back, but it seems like nothing matters once Hyunjin is there with her; because Hyunjin slots her fingers between Heejin’s, grabs her hand tight and then they are running. Heejin’s heart soars. All the uncertainty leaves her, the exhilaration of sneaking time alone with Hyunjin like this overshadowing everything else. And finally, they reach the end of the corridor, panting. 

But before they go in, Hyunjin traps her outside their door, a hand on the wall.

“Heejin,” she says. Heejin’s never seen her this serious before. Something in her heart jumps, at the thought that _it’s because of her_. “Are you okay?”

“Sometimes,” Heejin answers, “I think that God must have made a mistake.”

“And why is that?” says Hyunjin. She squeezes Heejin’s hand, once, then their linked hands dangle between them, empty.

“Because the things I am feeling—” Heejin says, licking her lips. Hyunjin’s eyes dart down— “they aren’t right. I keep praying, but they keep coming back.” 

“It’s not supposed to hurt you,” Hyunjin whispers. Her other hand presses on Heejin’s stomach and starts trailing down, warm, comforting. All of Heejin’s senses are screaming at her that _this is bad!_ and that she needs to stop this, break away and go to bed; report Hyunjin to the counsellor in the morning instead of participating in this—this _sin_. But it just doesn’t feel as wrong as it’s supposed to. “Do you really think that God would want you to be ashamed of yourself forever? Hide?”

Heejin closes her eyes. “I don’t know. It seems like everyone is saying the same thing.”

Hyunjin scoffs. “Well, that’s their problem.”

At some point, they’ve leaned in towards each other, near enough that Heejin can feel Hyunjin’s breath ghosting over her lips. It’s quiet enough for the sound of night owls outside to come trickling into the corridor, but somehow, Heejin’s heartbeat seems louder.

“Hate is learned, you know,” Hyunjin says, tilting her head; then she’s closing the distance between them and her lips are on Heejin’s. Heejin freezes instinctively—but she reminds herself that this is Hyunjin, not the boys who ask her out on dates and follow her around after church, and then it’s easier for her to sink into the kiss. Heejin doesn’t know why she even bothered trying to fight it, when this feels so real and so perfect and so right. 

A tear slips down her face. 

Hyunjin breaks away, as if she felt it. She breaks their joined hands and cups Heejin’s face, and Heejin can’t do anything but look at her. 

“Don’t cry,” Hyunjin murmurs, thumb swiping across Heejin’s cheek. “Please. I don’t want you to be sad.”

“No,” Heejin sniffles, “I’m just—I didn’t think it would feel like this.”

Hyunjin is quiet for a second. Then— “you’ve never kissed a girl before, have you?”

Heejin shakes her head. 

“I figured,” Hyunjin says. “Jeon Heejin, perfect daughter.” 

“I don’t know what to do,” Heejin says, and looks into Hyunjin’s eyes, the tenderness in her gaze. “What do we do after this?”

Her world spins.

Heejin’s heart races.

Hyunjin grabs her hand and holds it there, steady. Heejin takes a deep breath in, and the world seems to fade away; instead, all there is left is Hyunjin in front of her, eyes round and dark. 

“We do it together.”

**Author's Note:**

> sorry seeing that tweet made me go Feral
> 
> i cannot believe this is my first 2jin fic i'm sorry i miss yvesoul also i did not edit this very much please don't yell at me i am fragile pls read my other fics they're better
> 
> twitter: [yvezoul](https://twitter.com/yvezoul)  
> curiouscat: [yvezoul](https://curiouscat.me/yvezoul)  
> 


End file.
